i've finaly realized my worth

so yeah, i've come to a realization. some people are just fucking dense. and i don't need to be around these people. especially one named jake. who can't understand my concept of just being "friends" as just that. friends. friends don't fool around and have sex. they hang out, talk, do fun stuff. he doesn't understand and got all pissy at me last night when i didn't want any. no shit. A) i don't have sex with my friends. B) i'm on prozac, and that virtually eliminates any sex drive whatsoever. C) i'm not gonna sleep with someone who can't commit to a relationship and obviously doesn't know what they want. D) i'm not a blow up doll that can be used whenever the need arises because i'm not a slut.

so, i've realized my worth. not monetarily obviously. but, i need someone who doesn't see me as an object. i don't need someone who is just as undecisive as most of the women i know. i also don't need someone who doesn't talk during a relationship, just during and after, and when they're in a relationship they only wanna have sex. that's my worth. i'm worth having someone who will see me for me, and not see everything that's wrong. someone who likes me for me, and not just what i look like. someone who doesn't argue my views when they have no arguement other than "that's stupid." grow the fuck up.

so, what is miss lindsay going to do now? i'll tell you what i'm gonna do now. i'm gonna be picky and selective. i'm going to look after myself more than anyone else will. i'll protect my own assets first, and if need be, i'll fuck you over. i'm going to be bold, brash, and not some little wimpy girl that some people may see me as. i'll be outspoken, i don't give a shit if you hate me. i'll even make the first move if i hafta.

so fuck anyone and everyone who stands in my way. and to be honest, i shouldn't be this pissy due to the amount of prozac i'm ingesting, but i've been driven to this.

contemplations

so, i appear that it is finally time that i post a blog that has actual meaning to my life. not that the others haven't, but i mean this will be much more personal. we all have fears in our lives, whether they are absurd or well founded. i believe that my stupid fears stem from me being so much like my mother. i hate being mean, unless i'm absolutely compelled to be so. i can't bear the thought of getting old and wrinkly, much less gain weight. but, i believe that my other fears are, as i've previously stated well founded, and perhaps deep seeded since i was a child.

i fear that i may not be good enough at design work. i feel that sometimes my work is lacking when compared to others. i always feel that other perople's work is more innovative or interesting. it seems like i never receive that praise that i feel i deserve. i worked just as fucking hard as the kid next to me, i may have put more thought into it as well. but who knows, i think i'm decent at what i do, i'm a hard worker.

i have a fear of being alone. not in the sense i freak out being by myself, but in that i'll never find that someone who is worthy of me or them of my affections. i have this fear that i've always got my standards set too high and because of that i'm way too picky about who and who i don't date. i do believe i have the right to be cautious, but i often fear that i'm overly-cautious. i don't want to be like my parents. they finally figured out that have 20+ years of marriage, they didn't really like each other after all. my mother's almost 54, i don't think there will be too many suitors awaiting for someone that age in their line. that scares the shit out of me. it really does. some people are completely happy being single, and could be the rest of their lives, but i don't know if that's a possibility. i think this is from my parent's relationship, or lack thereof. in the 19 years of their marriage i was alive, i remember my mother telling my father she loved him once, and never heard him say it. i'm scared that i may not be open enough or out going enough to get someone who really is right for me, i just don't think that i should have to take the first step.

apparently i've just got a mother fucker of an inferiority complex. or maybe it's just the alcohol. maybe a combination of both. maybe it's my biological clock already ticking like it's running out, and i'm not yet 21.

yay for idiocy

so i get to go to court today. that means 2 things. A) arbitration for the accident i was in last fucking year. B) i get yo sue my former roommate. and there are also several other meanings to these situations as well. the first being that, i got fucking rear-ended last april, the 25th to be exact. so seriously! why the fuck is the court system in the fucking south so slow? i guess it just goes to show how fucking slow and laid-back people are down here. but what the fuck? i hafta wait almost a fucking year to finally wrap this shit up? i could see maybe 6 months. you know, but not a year. but, hopefully i get some more money outta this. it just sucks i'm not going against the fucking bitch ass cunt who hit me. nope, i get to go it against my insurance company, allstate. woo. secondly, i get to pick up the papers to sue jamie. yep. that bitch is gonna get served! you know why? she's a fat ass, lazy, worthless piece of nothing.

but, i'm really not in this bad of a mood. i'm actually quite chipper. hopefully i'll have time to go into work, pick up my pay stub and be able to bring it to the leasing office so i can get my one bedroom. fuck yes. sister needs to live alone for a while. oh well, i must go take a shower and get ready for maybe an exciting day. tata.

yessir

i am gonna sue my former roommate and fuck her credit up... i'm strangely hapy about this. hmph... hahahahahahahaha

officially a bitch

yes dear friends, i'm officially a bitch. and you know what? if you were me, you'd have done the same exact thing. mmhmm, that's right. i called my former roommate's mother yesterday, and was like, "as i'm sure you know, your daughter has moved out of our apartment. however, her name is on the lease, of which i have a copy and the notes the your daughter left me. and, since i do have a court date next friday, i'm not below suing your daughter. it would be greatly appreciated if you would discuss this with your daughter, and give me a call back before next friday so know whether or not to sue your daughter. my number is 778-2062. thanks." as of 12:23 today, i've not heard anything. i doubt if i will. that means i have yet another court date coming up.

and you know, it's like my sister said. who the fuck leaves a note saying they're moving out and not discuss it with the person they live with? you don't leave a note, maybe if you borrow a sweater, but not that. oh well, little miss miss wants to be treated like an adult. well, she sure as fuck will be now.

faux pas

so, last night at tremont there were several, ok, many, fashion wrong doings. boots with knee high socks, uggs with leggings, paper clips in place of earrings...it was just bad. traumatizing as a matter of fact. and, because of all this and the way most kids act at hardcore shows, i've realized how much i really dislike scene kids. and yeah, i pretty much never wanna go to another hardcore show down here. kids can't dance and don't care about each other. if someone falls in the middle of the pit, pick them up. if you hit someone really hard by accident, especially a girl, fucking apologize. and most of all...learn to fucking dance. your two-stepping sucks ass, so does your bro-moshing and your punching the air shit. punch the ground you fuckers, do a real spin kick, do something that shows you actually appreciate the music, and not just trying to beat the fuck out of someone. thank you.

what the fuck

ok, well, my blow dryer is dying a slow death. so, this morning i got it half way dried out, then i just said fuck it and pulled it up into a pony tail. but, to other people, apparently the pony idea was not such a good one, and this person said i looked "weird." what the fuck, you don't have long hair with a blow dryer that only has hot air for part of its use. no, do not criticize me when i've been up since 6 and didn't feel like primping myself. sorry.

very bad things

very bad things happen when certain things are missed. as i learned today, sitting in the sun for about 4 hours, eating crab legs, then having coffee and cigarettes is a terrible idea. it's about as good of an idea as sticking a metal fork in an electrical outlet. needless to say, i'm not going to do a few of those things for a while.

myspace sucks

ok, well, this is why myspace sucks. fucking spam mail from nasty sluts who are like, "hey honey, you looking for a good time? i just got out of school for break, come see me" shit. that's just not cool. i wouldn't wanna see your nasty ass choach even if i were a male. so no, i don't want your good time shit, leave me the fuck alone. thanks.

oh yeah, my sister and her friend sara are down here. and they brought me beer. lots of it. lots of canadian beer. and, less than one month until my birthday. yay.

Mac

This is me on my Mac Powerbook. It's so powerful, I can stand on it, and it tells me my weight. Exactly 88 pounds. You like? I like? It's so sexy. Like me. I wanna fuck it.

Car

This is my car. It's a Buick. It's no match for Ben's sexy Saab. But I like it because it's white. Like the empty pallet of an artist. J/k. I like it because I'm 67 years old. I go to bed right after Wheel Of Fortune, at 7pm. On Saturday, I go to bed after the Golden Girls at 9pm.