every little thing

is gonna be alright. everything came back ok, just mild changes. i still hafta go in every 4-6 months though. so, yeah...that's it.

i feel blah

i feel al ugly, fat and just icky. lemme tell ya, that shit i had done monday has seriously fucked me up.

what true pain is

no, nothing bad has happened with me and doug, in fact, the events of the past few days has worked in our favor. but something terrible may be happening to someone else, and they may not even know it.

yesterday i had to go to the icky doctor, the gyno. i had an abnormal pap when i went in for my annual, and had to go in yesterday to a colposcopy. basically it's like another pap, but they look through a high powered microscope (colposcope) and look at your cervix. they take a vinegar solution and swab it on there, and if anything turns white, it's pre-cancerous cells. so, lucky me, i had 4 little spots. so.....they then take some scissors and cut the bad spots out to send for a biopsy. and lucky me, the first pair of scissors wasn't sharp enough to cut, so my cervix got pinched. but, all in all, it wasn't terrible, just REALLY uncomfortable. after they cut out the bad parts, they take a scapel and scrape the whole inside for other cells to catch other possible areas or trouble spots. then after all that, i get my first gardesil shot, and thought i was gonna pass out since it made me light-headed. then i go to the homestead, no i didn't drive, doug did, and doug proceeded to take care of my ass. let's just say i've had more pleasant experiences in that area than what i'd just had done.

the cause of all this shit? HPV. somewhere along the way, i've been exposed to it. could've been the first time i'd had sex, could've been 5 months ago. no way to tell, especially since there's no test for men to see if they have it. but doug and i have an idea as to where it came from. and hopefully for her sake, she reads this before it's too late.

doug's psychotic ex is probably where it came from. i'm not saying definitely, because we don't, and most likely won't, know where it ever came from. but, doug said that she hasn't gone to a gyno in at least three years. and it only takes 5 years for cancer to develop from HPV. so, if she didn't go even before then, it may be too late. i don't hate her, i have no reason to, i will just feel badly if she doesn't catch it in time if it is from her. no one should wish anything bad on another person. and i think she'd be absolutely stupid not to go, who cares what a doctor will say to you about your weight? doug says he's not the only one who knows that she's basically anorexic. which is also fucking stupid. eat some fucking red meat for god's sake. but i think cancer may actually be more of a concern than a doctor telling you you need to eat. maybe that's just me, especially if someone wants kids in the future.

but as for me, since they caught this shit so soon, i should be fine. i get the results of the biopsy in about a week and a half. and lucky me, since i was abnormal once, i now get to go in for an exam every 6 months for the next 2 years. nothing like getting poked and prodded with a spectulum and oversized q-tip.

oh well, since everything is ok other than some cramping, burning and nausea, i'm cutting this off now. but i'll be updating sometime on what wedding plans we've made thus far. and we're saving up some money to hopefully buy a house when our lease is up at this joint.

oh well, talk to you later my loves.

updates galore!

so i hate writing about what's new and about this and that. but here goes a little something.

i'm relatively happy at the moment. i say that because i'm getting super burnt out from work. and i'm pms-y. and those 2 combined does not equal a happy lindsay. other than that, everything's fucking great! obviously it's old news, but doug and i are engaged and have done some planning for the wedding. school's going great, even though i'm taking 5 classes which makes for a very tired lindsay.

so, doug and i have decided that we're getting married october 4, 2008, since i need to graduate this year and don't want to lose my mind trying to graduate and plan a wedding. but we both pretty much have our brides maids and grooms men set. and we're doing a black and white theme. and i've pretty much picked out my dress as well. we've also basically decided where we want it, and lemme tell ya, it's very pretty. it's the vanlandingham estate in charlotte, which is a victorian home with a beautiful garden, and it even has a separate guest house/conference center. it's very nice. we're hoping we can get the waldhorn to cater, but i won't be disappointed if the place won't let us use them.

but for now, we're just saving up money so doug can get a new car or truck, or whatever, and to buy a house. i feel so old and grown-up! but it's ok, i'm enjoying life. next saturday is purgatory, which i really want to go to and get all dressed up for. and then it's valentine's day, which may or may not suck since i have a very icky doctor's appointment on the 12th that may force me to not do anything special.

but for now, i must get back to class. 'til next time...